:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Sunday, November 21, 2004 ::

So, last night Vince and Joey had it out in an IM.

Since, for the sake of my relationship and way of life, I chose to discontinue contact, let me explain to you, and you know who you are, the only thing I feel I have to explain about the entire incident, here.

Awhile ago, I told Joseph about the incident where Marco held a sword to my throat and pinned me onto the bed because he "thought I was possessed by satan" due to a dream he had had the night before. I also, in musing on my past, told him at some point you were a sword afficianado and fencer. He confused the two by accidently blending them. I clarified things once he had closed out the conversation, and that statement is taken back.

Almost 6 years now, you and I have maintained a friendship, but I see now how heavily and wrongly I depended on you for support you shouldn't have had to give. By confiding so deeply in you, and later allowing what happened between us to happen, I can see now that I set the stage for exactly this sort of disaster.

I am a deeply spiritual person, and I thought somehow that finding a kindred in you would answer all of my questions about my god and the messages he sends me in dreams. I depended on you as a parishioner would a priest, laying out all my transgressions and asking for forgiveness, through you, to my god. I saw you as something beyond human error and emotion, something holy and unshakable - but, though you were a friend, you were and are simply a person, as am I. Neither is immune to the faults and shortcomings of human existence.

In truth, you have hurt me. Many, many times. The drama and chaos that ensued from both our friendship at points, and especially our short-lived attempt to be something more, often sent me into a very deep depression; and as I told Joseph last night, it was during one of those points where you left me a sobbing, emotional, suicidal mess and he picked me up and dusted me off and proceeded to mend that damage, that I made the choice to be with him as long as fate allowed. Since then, you really haven't respected that. I can't count the times I've tried, both gently and firmly, to ask you not to flirt with me, not to say anything that wasn't platonic, but you never did stop. I allowed it to go on, and didn't discourage it firmly enough, because I didn't want to lose my oldest friend, and I was afraid you would stop talking to me if I really put my foot down, but I can see now what a hypocrite I was, because it was exactly what happened with Joseph and the girls he was talking to.

The things you said to him last night were inexcusable. I am ashamed, I thought you had better taste and concern for the welfare of my life than to so obviously and outright rudely insult the man who has never raised his voice, his hand, or his temper to me in the entire time I've known him. I can't tell you how often I told Joseph you were a good man and didn't have ulterior motives, and that you respected him. Last night, you proved that wrong.

I am Joseph's girlfriend, and proudly so. We've had our problems, as all couples do, but we are undoubtably together for the long run. You claimed to respect that, and expressed happiness I'd finally found a soulmate, but I can see now I was wrong to try and keep you as a friend and him as a boyfriend at the same time. Some things can't mix, and you two were one of them.

Vincent, I am sorry, but I can't allow this to go on any longer. You can think of me what you like - that I'm a harlot, a liar, a bad friend, but it makes no difference in the end. Your actions last night have made it impossible to continue this friendship. I hope you consider your show of bravado and ascerbic wit was worth losing a friend of 6 years.

Nonetheless, I will always hope that your life is a good one, even if I can no longer be in it. I hope you can find the happiness and peace of mind I have found, for yourself. Goodbye.

~Fox

:: Fox 11/21/2004 09:00:00 AM [Say what?] ::
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