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:: Wednesday, November 10, 2004 ::

::coughs::

So, I'm sick. My throat swelled up like a corpse in the Hudson yesterday, and, of course, Joey and I were due to have dinner with the Neighbors (how domestic :) ) - I like Neighbor Joe a lot, and his wife Aya, but I was so afraid of getting them sick! As it was, after some really good chinese, I ended up two inches from the fireplace shivering like I had no clothes on. I wasn't cold, and it was a weird sensation...never gotten the shivers before without being cold. I totally lost my voice, and had to wake up the next day to go to school. Sucked. Felt a tiny bit better today, but a full shift at work took care of that. I never realized how much I have to shout at work until I couldn't. The day was difficult, to say the least. Plus, trying not to cough in front of the customers almost made my eyes come out.

So, headachy, nose-runny, and cough-ridden, I present myself to you.

School is becoming a bigger thorn in my side with every passing day. I DO NOT want to be there. Period. Even my love for English Club is fading in the need to keep my health and sanity. I can't keep doing this shit. I tried to tell my father, but he always makes me feel like shit about wanting to take less than a full course load, like I'm letting him down somehow. I really have to stay alive, though...and life and 12 credits do not mix. I think I'm definately going to drop Microeconomics...I just *can't* get up for a morning class - period. 8:30 is just not possible for me, I have to face facts. Let alone on one of my few days off. I hope dad understands. I do want to go to school, just not right now. At all.

God my chest hurts from all this friggin coughing.

So Danielle called me yesterday. Danielle-from-high-school. The co-dependant one. I love her still, but I realized how enabling I was to her when she was comfortable enough with me to call me up to ask for money to pay her rent because she gambled all hers away. I am TOO kind, and I knew that I would give her all I had if I didn't cut her out of my life. Now she's back. I don't know what to do, exactly. I want her back and I don't, you know?

Joey has to get a second job. I'm deathly afraid of what it's going to mean for our relationship. I feel like we barely see one another as it is...I sound terribly selfish, I know. He needs the job to help pay down his debts. I have to deal - this is a step towards our life together. I have to be a big girl...but it's so god damned hard. He's literally the only piece of happiness in my day-to-day right now, and has been awhile. Bitch all you want about the psychological unhealthiness - sometimes you take what you can get. I don't have the time to indulge in the luxury of re-adjusting my perceptions of my entire life. Plus I'm sick right now.

Yeah. Loves to everyone, most especially my friend BondageSpider and my Alpha. Thanks for keeping me afloat, guys. And, as always, a heart's kiss to my Joey.

~Fox

:: Fox 11/10/2004 07:28:00 PM [Say what?] ::
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