:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Friday, August 13, 2004 ::

I guess I've been falling behind on my updating.

I'm really suffering the effects of not finding the time to blog every day..I'm having real trouble remembering when I did things. My blog is an excellent way of keeping track of my life, I just log in, and from the administrator's panel, run a search on a certain phrase like 'dairy queen', and the entry at the top of the list would be the date of my most recent visit. I didn't go to dairy queen, I'm just mentioning. Now I want dairy queen. Damnit.

So what DID happen today? Well, we (Joey, JDad and I) cleaned up a little around here, went to the chiropractor and got adjusted (I really got cracked) and went to stewarts for lunch. It was the first day we've all had in awhile where things weren't rapidly falling apart as the day progressed. The worst part of it was when I had to go home and get some more of my stuff, but thankfully mom stayed in her room and we didn't have to deal with her.

She wrote me an email this morning telling me to work on getting more of my things out, but I'd like to know, when I live in a house the size of a shoebox, and she changes the locks a week after I move out and 'forgets' to give me a key, and she knows my only time available is when she isn't home, (and even if it wasn't, I don't want to be anywhere near her) how the fuck I'm supposed to move 21 years worth of my possessions before the golem decides to throw everything I ever owned in the trash on a whim. Yeah, logic reigns supreme in that house, let me tell you. Compassion too.

Frankly however, I can't wait until, however I can get it done, everything is out of that house and I have no reason or need for any further contact with her. Not surprisingly, I don't think she understands she crossed the line she'd been nudging at for years in the realms of my coping ability, understanding, and patience, and that I am really and truly done with the woman. Hopefully it'll sink into her head one of these years and she'll start treating people as something aside from a means to her ends or an outlet to her random and illogical rages. Whatever. I don't even care anymore. Any filial loyalty I may have felt to that woman have shriveled and died in me. It's a dark but welcome freedom I didn't know I could experience. It's a solid absence of any emotion but an impatience to separate myself from biological ties. Thank god I came to my senses before we utterly destroyed one another.

I work too much, haven't enough money, and have a very dark suspicion I'm sick with something pretty serious, so life isn't as light as I'd hoped. I hope I'm alright.

~Fox



:: Fox 8/13/2004 10:00:00 PM [Say what?] ::
...