:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Friday, August 06, 2004 ::

Hello again all...

Well, I tweaked the site a lot, and now my website is getting pretty close to where I want it to be. My poetry page took a lot of work, but I think the format is pretty user-friendly, and I'm content I've gotten all my major poetic-and-essay works in one place. I have to shell out a hundred for another year of homestead on the 19th, but homestead has been really good to me, despite the little billing tiff I had with them last year. It may seem stupid to be dropping that kind of money when I'm in debt, but it's important to me to have this site...I want a place to send any interested parties when I've gotten my poetry book together.

Our anniversary was alright...it was raining pretty hard so it killed any plans we had for outdoors. I've been in a really weird mood the past couple of weeks - completely indecisive about anything and restless to a fault...I feel like I'm vibrating in place and ready to explode. Joe's ex Marla (it was an online relationship) called him last night and Joe let me talk to her for like, an hour. Hearing things about their relationship fucked up something in my head, even though she's a really nice girl and we had a great conversation. I had to go walking, something I hadn't done since that fateful night Joe and I split for a week, a year or so ago. The beach seemed to mirror the inside of my head...I've never seen such a dark, storm-ridden night...the waves seemed like they were shattering the sand with every rapid crash. I curled up in the sand and cried myself sick and felt a lot better for it, by the end. I came home and Joe and I had an argument...I mean...I guess I am being unfair, bringing up such old things that happened before me...I don't really know why I do. I feel like it's someone else talking through me when it happens - that's always how I feel when I say something sharp or hurtful, and it makes the grief that follows that much deeper. I feel like I'm taking the emotional hits for something that isn't even me. I wish it would just stop, truthfully. I love Joe and I'm tired of whatever-this-is trying to fuck up our relationship.

We're fine, though. I don't think anything short of a nuclear war could make us break up. He's not nearly as good at expressing how he feels as I wish he would be, but I took him for him, and not for what he could be. It's just hard getting my logical mind and heart to agree at times.

I hung out with Dre and Gym the other night and Joe joined us later at the chinese buffet and we had such a good, loud time that I thought they were going to kick us the hell out of there. We were re-enacting the lord of the rings with tableware, and it was pretty convincing.

I talked with Richie the other night, from way the hell back when I lived in Keyport, he's doing real well from the sounds of it.

Work is alright, but I have to cover tomorrow night for Laura and I really don't want to. She's taken off the last, like, 6 saturdays and I'm getting tired of it. She's going to leave at the end of the summer, but she doesn't have to mess up everything on her way out. It's bull.

Tomorrow Joe and I are gonna do something before I have to go to work, so that'll be nice.

Ciao!

~Fox


:: Fox 8/06/2004 05:30:00 PM [Say what?] ::
...