:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Tuesday, July 06, 2004 ::

Confessions of a soap whore.

I am a soap whore. I have more bars than a complete embargo on all soap would even warrant, and yet have virtually no willpower when faced with the concept of buying another.

My moment of realization came today, when, after buying several bars of a popular whimsical "slice" soap on a great sale, I attempted to put them on ebay.

I hemmed and hawed about which bars to put up, and, bit by bit while doing my research, the amount of bars actually being posted dwindled. This one seemed rare, so I'd better keep it. No one could possible appreciate this scent like I do, so I'd better keep it. Those two might get lonely, better save this one too.

An hour later, I closed down the "post an item" screen, a defeated woman. I had been conquered wholly by Geranium Cuvee, by Satsuma and the haunting scent of Lavender Oatmeal. Bath products had made me their bitch. I trudged upstairs, arms laden with neatly wrapped bars, many duplicates, to the bathroom.

I opened the linen closet doors, resignedly looking over my little soap empire -

Tiny little hotel soaps whose fragrance and moisture-sucking qualities seemed alien once removed from their native holiday inn habitat,

Bars of irish spring once gnawed upon by an enterprising mouse, the likes of which I was going to throw out because a mouse made them dirty by its snacking - but the little soap-hoarding voice in me reasoned that it couldn't be *that* dirty...I mean, after all, it was *soap*, yet still I couldn't bring myself to actually *use* it,

Tacky seashell guest soaps which would never find the opportunity to soak their almond-y scent into the hands of a guest,

Balls of homemade, all-natural soy-based soap in six different scents I had bought as a lot off of ebay - the scents labeled on the individual balls by an awkward push-pin and scrap-of-paper method on the part of the seller - she also apparently owned a large black labrador, as my soaps were noticibly peppered with black hairs - I couldn't use them because of it, of course, but still couldn't bring myself to throw those out either...

And, of course, my prize treasure that had started it all - a thoughtless impulse purchase of a small bar of jasmine scent red bean and exfoliating rice, an offhand addition to the purchase of a luxurious red thai silk skirt at a summer festival, whose vendor vanished that year, without a trace, from all conceivable forms of commerce. I believe my soap-collecting will never cease until I find the man again. I keep the bar dry and wrapped in plastic, using it for special events. It is the greatest soap in existence.

I added my new bounty to the crowded basket with a sigh, realizing the depths of my addiction and offering silent thanks I'd managed to stay out of the illegal pursuits, given my willpower. Closing the linen closet, I felt my obsession give a tug...urging me to the shower, where I'd been less than a day ago. I fought, but in the end, the seductive wiles of scented cleanliness lured me in.

After all, if I'm going to spend $16 apiece on eight different scents shower gel, I should use them, right?

~Fox
:: Fox 7/06/2004 07:28:00 PM [Say what?] ::
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