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:: Sunday, October 19, 2003 ::

Sometimes, I imagine that the Improbability Engine of Douglas Adams' "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" is actually planted on me somewhere.

So, I went to Q's. We got there around 11, and sat down for a second (It's like I explained to Joey...going to Q's is like getting into one of those stabilizer things after you've been deep-sea diving - you need a few minutes for your body to adjust to the change in condition) and I was promptly approached by a guy who must have been like, at least 60, in a captains' uniform, who proceeded to take far too many liberties as far as personal space went and tried to introduce me to his friend, of equal skeeve factor and age. I invoked the lesbian clause with 'ris, and made it as clear as I could that I was a butch lesbian and to leave me alone. (As I also explained to Joey, saying you have a boyfriend as an excuse for warding off creeps at q's is about as effective as flicking a dustbunny at someone - you have to have physical evidence, or no dice) After narrowly escaping that particular bit of oddness, we sat back down.

I noticed a familiar profile near the door - it was Jenny, a friend of Dave and Laura's that Laura and I had cuddled with on many an occasion, and whom I had recently seen on a pizza delivery. My eyes drifted left of her and identified her boyfriend Jon, and then a really short girl and her companion, both of whom I realized with a shock were David and Laura. I rushed over, shocked them as well, and there were hugs all around. At first, the gulf between us all seemed very wide and permanent...but it closed exponentially as the night went on. I had a bottle of smirnof ice, and we all went downstairs to dance. I'll sum up the evening for those of you who don't want to wade through details.

1.) I danced with David a lot.
2.) Laura, Dave, Jenny, Jon, Jeff Burges, Ris and I made a ring-around-the-rosie circle in the middle of a german industrial room. Several times.
3.) I drank some more.
4.) Ris made out with Jeff Burges, which was a colliding of two of my worlds that kind of disoriented me for a bit.
5.) I flogged Dave on the bondage cross downstairs.
6.) I sat on a couch with Dave and Laura, got hugged, and realized for all the emotional turmoil of it, I really had enjoyed being connected with two people.
7.) I turned down numerous requests to go home with them, because I have to grow up sometime.

There was a huge disoriented sensation when I stopped and thought about where I was, and who I was with. I had a number of stop-start feelings, like a train ride where someone keeps hitting the breaks. Looking around Q's, I was suddenly in pre-Marco era, Marco era, and recovery-post-Marco era all at once (for I visited Q's each time under those circumstances) and 17-18 again, and then I was in Ris-time, post-Jon era, at 20, and then I looked at dave and Laura and felt like I was right back where I was prior to Valentine's Weekend, and then finally, I remembered what I was....a very sad, unhappy, 21 year old girl dressed up in costume partially bought for Henry, the ex-that-never-was, with my Boyfriend counties away, and in the arms of a couple - one 25 and a plumber's assistant and the other a 29 year old rutgers math professor, that I had dated, that were now married and all but pleading for me to go back home with them, while my best friend made out with their collegue two couches away. Never had my life had a more confusing moment then that.

In the end? I was faithful, and talked about Joey frequently to keep myself loyal. It's easy to give into temptation at Q's...between the artificial smoke, the real smoke, the deafening gothic music, the strobes, and the crush of people in all manners of latex, leather and lace - it has a way of assuring you that this is a little pocket of time where your actions have no reprecussions. I knew all too well how untrue that was, and it's not worth losing Joey to satiate the kitsune in me. I love him. Do I think we're the best match in the world? No. Do I think we have issues? Sure. But ultimately, he's been there for me and seen me at my worst and is still around. I have to grow up sometime, and my whole life I've wanted a guy like Joey - someone who will be there and stick around. Other guys have done this - Jow, Vince, Mark...but ultimately, Joey is my boyfriend. That's the long and short of it. I love him, and hopefully I can settle whatever it is that unsettles me lately.

~Fox


:: Fox 10/19/2003 03:31:00 PM [Say what?] ::
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