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:: Friday, October 31, 2003 ::

Happy Samhain!

Well, today is a decided improvement over last year's Samhain that was a pretty big flaming disaster. Jon and I had broken up and gotten back together and he was getting ready to break up with me again and I kept bringing up the fact that Samhain was my favorite holiday so he didn't up and ruin it for me by doing something stupid, like breaking up with me.

In case you haven't noticed, I tend to bring up the past a lot. Comparisons, and frequent ones, are how I assure myself that life has gotten better with the passage of time. Sometimes it's easy to forget how far you've come and fall back into depression.

How am I now? Content. Maybe not exactly happy, but I don't know if that's my perception or the world that's making me that way. I continue to wonder which of the two is the culprit.

I feel unwanted and unloved sometimes, which is natural, but it's becoming more and more often. Joey hasn't really changed, so it has to be me. I wonder if I should start seeking counceling again.

I finally got my shit together yesterday and compiled all of my poems. The working title of the book is "The Rosethorn Tourniquet" and it's about 24 pages now. If I give each poem a page, it will be more like 40, so I may do that.

Wednesday night, Joey's Dad, Joey, his older sister Anita, her husband Michael, and their three daughters, Kimberly (1 1/2), Kelly (4) and Karen (7) all went to the city to go to the Disney store and Toys r us. We hit both at a fairly frantic pace cause it was around closing time...I love the girls, they're so sweet..kelly's taken a shine to me and I think she's adorable. After the toy stores, around 1 in the morning or so, we went to the world trade center site. I wrote a poem about it.

So...I don't know. I had a number of options tonight...going to a math party to see David and Laura, Going to Q's with 'Ris...going to dinner with Joey's friend Paul who's having a birthday..Improvjam's halloween show.... don't know where I'll end up at this point. I just really hope I'll have a good time. I've had enough sad holidays to last a life.

~Fox





:: Fox 10/31/2003 09:38:00 AM [Say what?] ::
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