:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Friday, September 12, 2003 ::

This was the english club poster:

Propaganda!!!! (in old english script)

Okay, well, no, not really. Just the first ENGLISH CLUB MEETING!
(meeting time and place went here)

The pen is mighter then the sword, biatch. Represent.

That last line was courtesy of Rick and I. We think it'll increase membership.

We very fortunately ran into Brian yesterday, which was nice. I haven't seen him since last semester and he's a really awesome guy. I don't know a lot of fellow pagans, so it's important to me that we hang out. He helped us with the posters and we had lunch, and then I headed to intro to business, which was boring again. We're covering the same shit I am in Micro right now, which is the same shit from Macro, which is what I got a B in. Hehe.

Joey texted me in class and asked if I wanted to hang out with him and his friends, so I ended up doing that after class. We went to this girl Shelby's house...he told me he made out with her once, so the female in me had itchy claws and was ready to assert and the whole nine. Let's just say I have *nothing* to worry about with this girl. She's very nice and everything, in fact reminds me a lot of athena...but not as nice looking. Even that aside, she's dating Joey's best friend and is seemingly quite taken with him, so I'm contented.

Joey is a very physically doting person, but not like, in a sexual way. He always has his hands on my shoulders, or an arm around me, or is touching me in some way. I like it...it always feels like there's a link between us.

Tonight we were riding over to Dave's house and he said to me offhandedly, "If you want, I can burn a couple of CDs with songs you like and keep them in the car for you so we can listen to your kind of music.."

It's a simple gesture, really, but it hit home. This is like the Red Bull thing...he got me a whole case because he noticed I always bought a can at 7-11 on the way to visit him. That alone was sweet, but he told me as he gave it to me, "This should keep you here awhile." Granted, he "broke up" with me like a week after that, but overall, he's got a good record with this sort of thing.

I also notice that I wax philosophical with him, and sometimes it actually makes sense. He was talking about his ex, and how it's hard to get over her (I sometimes forget to keep in mind that he only broke up with her in March and we got together in August) and I told him there are stages.

1.) *Everything* is painful. Everything reminds you of the ex, 'your song' seems to play all the time, you look at things and hear what their typical response would be, in their voice, in your head. You feel this huge push (or pull, if you will) right in the center of your chest almost all the time, and your stomach feels like a black hole. The concept of loving anyone else is so remotely distant, it barely exists.

2.) You eventually decide to get your ass in gear and maybe try and live without being in pain all the time. Maybe, just maybe, it's possible to love someone else. For reasons that are usually clingy, bad, wrong ones, you decide to try and meet someone. You'll notice that the girls you look at will usually at first (and sometimes indefinately) have a lot in common with your ex...heck, some might even know her.

3.) You meet someone. Great. You go through the motions, but your internal monologue is making frantic comparisons from old to new, and feels the need to remind you of every one. The stress is difficult, but at least you aren't alone anymore. "Hey, we're (blank)...(your ex) and I used to do this. I remember when..." and so on becomes a constant internal phrase. You may have to struggle to remember the name of the new girl you're seeing. Maybe even often.

4.) There comes a day when you notice, retrospectively, that you and NG (new girl) did or participated in an activity that was previously very much a "you-and-ex" thing and you didn't even notice. A popular women's magazine did a tongue-in-cheek article dubbing this an "EXpiration date". Maybe you were talking to NG in the car and your exes' song came on the radio, and you noted it was familiar, but only offhandedly, because you were busy listening/talking to NG. NG stops being a bandaid for your wounds and starts becoming a real person in your head, not just something to fill the space in the passenger's seat in your life.

5.) You notice one day that you and NG have your own 'things'...that maybe even some of her tastes and preferences have taken up residence in your head where your exes' should have been. You feel like you can breathe again and the pull in your chest isn't there anymore. Sometimes you get a pang, but you look at NG, or call her, and infuse yourself with unique NG energy to banish ex thoughts. She stops being a crutch and starts being your girlfriend, and you can finally let the past go.

Those are the steps, as I see them. It's phrased to a guy because that's how I explained it to him. You can just as easily swap pronouns. I tend to think it's fairly accurate.

~Fox

:: Fox 9/12/2003 09:39:00 AM [Say what?] ::
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