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:: Sunday, August 17, 2003 ::

Today is Russ' birthday.

I see a much-younger me handing him a birthday card, with his name misspelled, outside of the skating rink while staring at him worshipfully. That was five god damn years ago.

Even with all the stuff I've gone through, Russ probably holds the crown for strongest male impact on my life. It was a trial-by-fire introduction to the concept of love, and it set the (somewhat jaded) pace of my lovelife from there on in. I love him and I hate him for what he put me through...but ultimately I am greatful, because who knows what a bland and colorless thing my life might have been if he never insinuated himself inside of it?

Times have changed...if you had asked me at 16 if there would ever be a day that the sun and moon didn't set by him, I would have scoffed openly. It amazes me that so strong a love settled, that I can't recall the feelings, the blind devotion, that consumed my young life. It's a very good thing, in retrospect...I imagine it was well on it's way to consuming me when he took off after our easter tryst.

We are friends now, and given to reminiscing...talking about the endless summers and skate-rink winters where the most you had to worry about was where to bum your next cig. We had a fantastic love, he and I...a moulin rouge love, a romeo and juliet love. The kind they write epics about.

And now, I am a woman. Older, wiser, and wishing with every breath to be back in the days when I was young, stupid, and lovestruck.

~Fox




:: Fox 8/17/2003 11:51:00 AM [Say what?] ::
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