:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Monday, August 18, 2003 ::

Morning has offered a little relief.

I had a dream last night of Joe...we were with a bunch of people our age, and he was fixing cars with a guy. We all came in and sat in a living room to hang out and talk for awhile, and Joe looked really out of it and red-eyed. I thought he had been crying and he said no, that he had just gone out by the bridge and smoked a few joints to relax. I burst into tears and screamed 'how could you?' and ran outside. The guy he was fixing cars with came after me and said he was sorry, that everyone inside was looking at him like a cretin because they knew my feelings about drugs, they knew I was going out with Joe, and they knew that this guy had been picked up for selling before.

There was a really nice girl who was living in the house, sort of a part of the loose-knit family..the house was really big, with gables and narrow spiral staircases, and all the bathrooms were on like, the fifth floor for some reason. The girl had made a packet of papers on stuff I liked...just like a little gift that shows she really cared about me, and understood I was in pain. She was about my age, and she hugged me and pet my hair, and then she kissed me. It felt really nice and comforting, and I forgot all about Joe. I woke up then, with mixed feelings.

I tried to stay in bed as long as I could this morning, get some sleep so I could feel better. Ryan called me last night around 2, saying he was sorry this happened to me, and he knew what I was going through. I love "hi it's me" calls. Makes me feel connected to the human race and less like a social nomad.

Vince is coming over after work today. I'm not ashamed to admit I need the guidance of my Alpha right now. There's a certain comfort that only comes from members of your own faith, in this case, the leader of my theriocanth pack. He is, and probably always will be, the only person I can literally let everything go for. When he tells me to relax, I actually can. I can finally shove away all the nagging little fears and apprehensions in my mind, if only for a little while. He's my protector, and I thank the kitsune every day that he's in my life.

I'm looking forward to the start of school. I'll feel needed again, by my Micro professor, for course materials...by the English club, for leadership....by a number of people. Not like now. I need to get my books and pay my tuition...

~Fox
:: Fox 8/18/2003 11:47:00 AM [Say what?] ::
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