:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Sunday, August 10, 2003 ::

I spent last night with Joey again.

We went to the improv jam for the second time, it was considerably better, performance wise. Last time they barely had an audience, so they were kind of lackadasical.

I talked with him for a little while...I stopped the other night and thought about how long I've known him and realized it was only a week. Kind of freaked me out because we've gotten really close pretty fast. I was afraid that he was kind of blindly seeking companionship...I really didn't give him enough credit. Yet another case of deluding myself that I was the voice of experience and getting taught more then a few things instead.

It's strange to be so unabashedly cared about. Not really sure what to make of it, after a summer full of stipulations, night-time crying, and general emotional mayhem. It really has been a hard season for me...should have known it would have been lousy after it started with crashing my car and getting fired. I dated way too much...I guess it was kind of my way of dealing with the memories of last year, when I was in Baltimore. I didn't want to think about it...sometimes the memories will hit me out of the blue, and I have to open my eyes wide and concentrate on something stupid, like my bookcase, to keep myself in the here-and-now. I tried to do that with guys, trying to force Jon out of my head the way that Dave 1 seemed to push Marco out...but I found out that trick only really works once. I've had to cope with my failures and memories that hurt a lot when they even slightly touch my mind. I have a bad feeling that Jon's probably always going to be an open wound. But there's something here, now. I'm starting to remember what it is to trust again, to have at least a small faith that someone isn't going to turn tail and run. And that was worth everything I coped with this summer.

~Fox
:: Fox 8/10/2003 12:18:00 PM [Say what?] ::
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