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:: Friday, April 11, 2003 ::

I know, it's been awhile.

Well, I've taken a lot of time to think. This war is still fucking me up really badly. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in about a week and a half now. I have visions of murdering people and trying to cover it up to dying slowly of exposure. I didn't know what to do...after finding out my until recently unadmitted distaste for pacifists (refer to my essay in Better Left Unsaid) I decided to try pro-war. We had a rally at school the other day for pro-war...I went to it, it was just a bunch of people sitting in a lecture hall listening to some good speakers from all the branches, not really a rally per se. I wore a sign that said "Proud Daughter of (dad's name here) senior chief USCG, oic Commstation New orleans..I love you dad, go coasties!" stapled to the front of my shirt. I had a flag in my hair. It felt weird to be joining a movement this late into the war, but better late than never, I guess. The damn Brookdale Action Committee lined up outside the doors with dramatic black t-shirts and duct tape over their mouths holding signs berating the government's treatment of soldiers. It was utterly distasteful in my opinon...we had a vietnam vet speak and he just gets done how he hopes this will be different, that the soliders can come home wearing their uniforms and not get spit on like he was, and then he walks out in the hall and sees that. Kind of tactless, if you ask me. There was also this ex-marine asshole that goes to our school mouthing off and trying to start shit with the pacifists. It was a big mess. I ended up hugging one of the BAC's and crying with another over the state of the war. At least I know now I'm not the only one suffering. I ended up in the paper, pretty big mention. Picture of me on the front page of the local news. The story is basically *about* me, and how I'm kind of torn between the two sides and I think they're both radicals. However, they quoted dad as being abroad in the war effort, and he's not. The reporter was a little bit of a ditz, if you ask me. I gave him an extra sign that says right where my dad was stationed. Ah well.

Also yesterday, still in the patriotic mood, I donned my flag t-shirt, a halo of red-white-blue tinsel, and held a metallic streamer flag on a street corner, along with the sign I had stapled to myself earlier. I found out a number of things.

1.) Over half the drivers on the road are on their cellphones at any given time.
2.) A lot of people are apparently anti-war, because I got the finger a lot.
3.) A lot of people are stupid, because I wasn't protesting pro-war anyway. I was wearing flags and saying I was proud of dad.
4.) A lot of anti-war people drive S.U.V.'s.
5.) My most rigid opposition came from a truckdriver that looked like he had crawled out of a bottle and/or ashtray.
6.) He asked me "Yeah, but do you have any pictures of dead iraqi babies?" In an obnoxious voice.
7.) I didn't have any.
8.) Hardly any people with flags on their cars honked.
9.) On 9/11, when I stood outside in the same corner, dressed the same, 9 out of 10 people honked.
10.) Less than 1 out of ten people honked this time around.
11.) It was damn cold outside. I mean *really* cold.
12.) A lot of people can't read quickly and/or well. I think it's time for optical exams all around.

So, yeah. I feel empty inside again. I guess I just wasn't meant to have a side. I am still proud of my dad, regardless of where he is stationed. And I did get in the paper. They even spelled my last name right.

Alex is coming over to dinner tonight. Russian Alex, who I dated right after I got home. Should be fun. :)

~Fox "Make signs, not war?" Mackenzie


:: Fox 4/11/2003 03:00:00 PM [Say what?] ::
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