:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Thursday, March 06, 2003 ::

Today was a good day until about 12:30.

I actually enjoyed Prof. Keating's class, and understood the lesson. I even turned in my paper early, which is unusual for me. The day was beautiful and I walked down the DarkScaryPath(tm) with my eyes closed, just listening and feeling nature.

Then mom came and picked me up.

Now, I can understand how it's an inconvenience having to give someone a ride all the time, but not when it's your own daughter. Not when every single day she does have to go is a day you have to go to work at some point anyway. Not when it's been going on less than 7 weeks. I need eight rides a week, counting both to and from school. A vast majority of the time I've been going to school, David has been picking me up from class thursday night and dropping me off Monday night for my brit lit class, so right there it's already knocked down to 6 rides a week. Usually at least once a week Chris drives me home at some point, so it turns into 5 times a week, more often than not. I can see how it might kind of suck when you have to get up earlier than you would usually for work, or get done a long day and have to continue on to the school, but I still don't really consider it a huge thing. I'm trying to better myself and get on with my life...it's not like I'm asking for a ride to the fucking mall here.

She maintains that I should get a job - an effort that she neglects to remember as an utterly fruitless one, even despite my job-hunting-prior-to-returning-to-school frenzy right after I got back from MD. No one wants to hire a 20 year old without a viable degree, a car, or experience in the field. Never mind that my typing skills are 80+ WPM now, and that I know microsoft office....all the jobs that want me to use those skills are out fifteen minutes away, and usually completely implausible by public transit. I can't just take any job, because I have to be very careful of my shoulder, which can hardly tolerate any weight anymore - that fact alone completely kills waitressing because I could never hold the tray. Job difficulties aside...

I am *over* a full time student. I am taking 14 credits right now. Professor Keating explained the following to us: 1 credit = 1 hour in class. I've done the math - for a full (M,T,W,Th) week, counting travelling to and from the college, and wait time between classes, I spend 21.7 hours at/travelling around the Brookdale campus in a given week. Prof. Keating went on to explain that at a *minimum*, for every 1 hour in a college class at Brookdale, 2 hours should be used to study and complete assignments. Now, following that example, I'd end up with 45.7 hours a week. Now, I'm going to be truthful and say that my class/out of class ratio is more of 1:1. Regardless, this still equates to 35 hours a week, a full time job, and during finals, which are coming up, that hour allotment WILL be 45.7. Even at 8 (attempted) hours of sleep a night and a reasonable amount of physical activity, as well as the nutritional changes I've been making in my diet, I still need energy drinks to function properly and think clearly sometimes. All the mainstream jobs that I've interviewed for won't put someone on payroll for less than 15 hours/week. You know what happens when I try and remain active and alert for 61 hours a week during finals? Disaster, that's what happens.

I'm not some slacker. I worked my ass off at Zebu full-time when I went to Berkeley full-time, Blockbuster full-time when I went to Bergen full time, and Chesapeake Knife and Tool OVER full-time while going to Baltimore City full-time. I'm no stranger to this work/school no-time-to-myself bullshit. And that's just what it is, bullshit. I'm finally getting good grades, and you know why? Because I'm not fucking working, that's why. No more of this getting yanked out of my studying to help a customer, no more having to hide my textbooks when the district manager stops by. This is MY time and MY school and MY studies for the first time in my life, and I am shining in the way I always knew I could. A's all the way. Every test, every paper - A or high B.

It's not a fair choice, either way. My studies either have to suck or I have to drop out because I can't get to class. Just once, I wish things could go right. Hasn't my life sucked enough already?

~Fox
Penny for your thoughts?

:: Fox 3/06/2003 01:35:00 AM [Say what?] ::
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