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:: Thursday, January 30, 2003 ::

Well, things are at a standstill.

Money is starting to become tight, apparently, and now my father is waffling a bit on things like my tuition and helping out with my car insurance. He alternates between wanting me to do the impossible and the completely stupid. Ideas have included:

1.) Moving out and getting an apartment with money I don't have, and carpooling with my roommate to college.
2.) Cashing out my savings bonds, my only savings at this point.
3.) Getting a job, which I can't do without the car I currently can't afford, despite the fact I'm taking 14 credits and only have three days a week free.
4.) Going to school part time and working part time next semester.

Now, bear in mind a number of aspects.

1.) My mother, who was married to him for 13 years, signed off on his pension because he agreed to pay for my college in trade.
2.) Yes, I have had 3 false starts. The only one he has fully paid for is Bergen. In Berkeley, I took out a loan, of which when there was an $800 balance, which I gave him out of the money my maternal grandmother gave me, to pay off. Baltimore city I handled entirely on my own, partly through my pay from work, and partly through money that my mom gave me. Even in Bergen, I put money towards my fees with what I made at Blockbuster, and I paid rent besides.
3.) My father, despite what he tries to argue, has, at least at one time and more often on several occasions, vehemently (to the end of a very loud and military voice) argued against community college, working while in school, working period, living away from home, driving, owning a car, getting my own insurance, getting a checking account, going to school part time, and god alone knows what else. So I'm a little bit tired, confused and pissy over this whole thing.

My dad has been *very* nice to me in the past, and he helped with my first tuition payment this semester, even though I still had to drop 275 for books. But it's pretty much the only spending money I've gotten since the first days I lived with Jon, April of last year or so.

I'm not adverse to getting a job, but I *refuse* to until I have a car. I am SO fucking sick and tired of taking unreliable taxis every god damn place I go and being late for work, school, and everything else. Everyone who tells me it's not that bad and I could have it worse always seems to conveniently have a car of their own. It kills me, it really does.

I also am reluctant to get one on principle. The main god damn reason I'm even going to school is because he wanted me to in the first place.

I suppose I can only wait and hope it will all turn out allright, in the end.


~Fox
Penny for your thoughts?

:: Fox 1/30/2003 02:58:00 PM [Say what?] ::
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