:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Tuesday, November 05, 2002 ::

Enough suspense, I suppose.

Jon kicked me out. Brutishly. Left me without a backward glance to weep on lyric's shoulder, then proceeded to spend the entire night hiding behind melissa and shannon and refusing to talk to me.

So, my life is shit. I'm still suicidal after an utterly sleepless night and waking nightmares beyond earthly comprehension. I want to die. The sunrise was the most disheartening thing I think I've ever laid eyes on.

So, mom's coming. Deja vu all over again with the Marco saga. Collect me and my things and whisk me back to New Jersey to heal again. I don't want to give up on Jon, on school and work. But Jon doesn't love me anymore, school isn't going well, and, while I'll miss my job, it was entirely dead-end.

I'm cycling through emotions so fast I've completely lost control of everything. I spent the entire night weeping myself sick in lyric's room and calling my father at all hours of the night. I don't know what I should do. I don't want to be alone. I can handle a month or two on my own if Jon would take me back, but hey...isn't happening. I could if it was a sure thing, but I think if I lived alone, especially here, I would indeed slit my wrists. I'm barely hanging on as it is.

How could the person who brought me the most joy bring me the most pain?

~Useless Life
:: Fox 11/05/2002 11:26:00 AM [Say what?] ::
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