:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Monday, October 07, 2002 ::

There are times when the past whispers at one's ear - a gentle but insistent ethereal tug on the cosmic sleeve. Certain phrases, admonisments and subtle expressions so imprint on the memory as to remain in clear focus when all else has faded to a dusty memory that the greatest of efforts cannot recall.

He said to me once, the betrayer, he looked on me with disgust when I begged. By then, my heart was cold and it was only a sense of duty that kept me beside him...a latent belief that you must always be the chattel of he who took your innocence, most likely C.C.D. implanted when I was too young to know better...he said to me once as I begged to stay with him, "What is more important to you? Living here or me?". It was an unfair question, because the two were intertwined. He never had and never would possess the ability and morality to remain true to the values he swore me in my absense, as he so obviously proved at the bitter end. I begged him for my life, then. Only for my work and my school. He did not understand all I had given to be with him...I had burned all bridges in my wake and invested my future; a move I never would have made if he didn't take my innocence. And now, I hear distant echoes and nearly expect my love to say what the betrayer said to me so long ago; I pray he never does; because it is not just that a life must be sacrificed that a heart may live.

Once more, I sit at a risky game and bet all on an unseen hand. Love. This time I believe. My heart still burns with the same passion and adoration as it did from the first time I held him in my arms as my own. I just hope for better luck.

The futility has faded from my heart, as has the near-constant ache of worry and regret. I feel like I can breathe again, and sometimes, that which we have taken for granted becomes more precious than life when it is given back to us. Sonnets dance in my mind again, and a smile has finally found hearth on my lips. It will stay this way, because amor vincit omnia.

~Fox "Waxing Philosophic" Mackenzie
:: Fox 10/07/2002 03:22:00 PM [Say what?] ::
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