:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Saturday, August 17, 2002 ::

Okies, I'm mentioning Rog in my blog.

I miss the big lug. By all rights, he was my husband for however brief a time. I still feel bad about the way we broke up, he was a really good guy to me, and saw me through so much.

I was just looking at some pictures of him and the gang on their annual trip to saco, maine, and I had a pretty sharp pang of nostalgia. I miss seeing him every month or so. I may ask him if he wants to visit some time. He's still one of my best and longest-known friends, and I want to keep it that way.

I come to notice that I enter the sunset of my youth, and that with each passing length of time, I gain a little more responsibility, become a little more hard-skinned, and lose a little more of my carefree youthful mannerisms. Rog and I were two kids, essentially, running on nothing but hopes, dreams, and a really strong sense of fairytale values. Marco and I ran on nothing but our complete incompatibility. We got together in the haze of dramatic beauty the gothic scene cast, and when it burned away, we found we truthfully were complete opposites, and not in the good way. That was my rebellion against love.

Jon and I are a team. A solid, beautiful team. I come to find, as my 20th year creeps closer, that love is not the forefront and driving force...it is a solid and steady hum, a manta of the heart, to be whispered and touched upon often for rememberance. When I look at Jon, I know that I love him, and I know that I will be just as in love and just as content when we are very old together. He will guard me and love me, and I will do the same for him. I know that beneath everything that goes on in my life, all the hustle and bustle, there is one universal and undisputable knowledge, and that is my wish to be by his side.

Though I look back with a self-chiding fondness; for my days as a naive young girl meeting roger for the first time in penn station, nearly 5 years ago....going to that very first party at S.O.D. 2 years ago and meeting the vampiric misfits who would subsequently introduce me to the curly-haired cuban who would alter my psyche and innocence from then on...Jow, my beautiful angel of mercy that befriended me and whom I befriended at what was some of the hardest times of our lives, and even as recently as the two Davids...he who lifted my hopes and my broken heart, and took his support away, teaching me that I really cannot live my life depending on men...and the second, who forced himself on me and taught me the difficult lesson that someone really can be horribly and unspeakably cruel, even if they don't appear that way at first. There were many players on the stage of my life, and I learned something from each one of them. No matter how much it hurt me, I'm glad my life has passed through the stages it has. I have seen a myriad portrait of love and affection, and to know each facet is to understand love itself.

I suppose I have philosophized for long enough...it is high time I got to bed and dreamt the dreams that magic brings. Farewell, my readers. Peace go with you.

~Fox Mackenzie
:: Fox 8/17/2002 10:56:00 PM [Say what?] ::
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