:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Wednesday, June 19, 2002 ::

Two neat realizations while I was neatening up the archive section of my blog.

One, is that this week's bloggings are the sixth month mark! Six whole months of blogging! I'm very happy. I started it as a random thought journal to post my pros and cons of various dates and nights out, and, bit by bit, I joined the blogging revolution! Now I have two blogs (My other is Mindness, for those who don't read it - it's my rant blog) and a lot of old memories I can look up easily in the archive.

Speaking of memories, I looked at my post for JohnCon and suitably amused. Jon got all of a half-sentence's mention, and a very tame one at that. I recall vividly wanting to gush about this *beautiful* stunning chinese angel I'd met, and how we proceeded to get busy in a stairwell and very nearly on the boardroom table...but I curbed my enthusiasm so I didn't hurt Jow's (we were kinda-sorta dating at the time) feelings. Jow's found his soulmate now (Emily) so I guess it's okay for me to post the tale after all, now....

Well, as I said in the previous post about JohnCon, all that time ago, I arrived there about 6. I was registering at the desk and I saw what was just a *waterfall* of long silky black hair to my left. You know those moments when you see *the* most beautiful human being you've ever met, and you're just struck completely cartoon-and-comedy-movie kind of dumb? Where you make that little coughing noise in shock? Yeah, that was one of those moments. My penmanship for my name badge got a little shaky after that.

I proceeded to kind of drift dreamily to where Rami was holding his game, and managed to snap out of it long enough to catch up with my old friend. I was left babysitting the cd player and the stuff many times while Rami scuttled here and there, looking for players, setting up signs, and getting a drink or two. So I'm sitting there, listening to the succubus club cd, and in strolls the beautiful raven-haired angel I had nearly choked on my own tongue over at registration. He wanted to see how things were going, and I talked while my heart was pounding in my ear drums. I hadn't been remotely that nervous since my 2 year long crush on Brad Vile in the sixth grade. I felt like I was a tongue-tied 12 year old again.

Then Rami came back, and, I don't really recall in which order, but he and Jon started talking about sword fighting techniques, started mock-fighting, Danny came in all gothed out with wings on and joined in, we danced, and mark came in and was being sketchy and tried that shoulder-massage thing that nearly won him a slap from me and/or a clawing from Rami. Then I proceeded to wander around the con and try and avoid Mark, who frankly scared and creeped me out (Sorry if you're reading this Mark! I know you're a good guy now!)

I eventually ended back up at registration, talking with most of the Amtgard people and participating in some boisterous, pixi-stick induced singalongs of various disney classics (Including a VERY rousing version of poor unfortunate souls from the little mermaid) and even some ren-faire wench songs. Before this, I had sat down at a desk with Strater, who was working on his thesis via laptop...he said he was glad for thebreak. We talked a great deal, even about BDSM and the local clubs here. I thought he was a really neat guy, so we swapped email and phone numbers. Then, after he closed down the vendor's place, we both wandered over to registration, where the impromptu singalong was taking place.

Strater was sick, so I gave him some of my wonton soup, which he seemed to appreciate. He, Jon and I were talking alongside the group of girls that would periodically burst into song, and then Jon's phone rang, and he went away to take the call. Strater went "Oh, that must be Mona.", and I'll tell you...my heart got *crushed*. I chided myself, thinking "of *course* someone like that's taken." and then, with an internal sigh, consigned myself to the loss.

Jon came back, and we took up the convo again, and I was having a great deal of fun talking to them both. Then Strater wandered off to the video game room, and Jon and I were talking, and all of a sudden chemistry started to pop up. I began to mock-fight with him, which has always been a flirting thing for me, and made good-natured fun of his martial arts skills...we ended up with our palms pressed together, up in the air, sort of like a high five manuver....and he kept his there for longer then would have been acceptable platonically. I didn't move mine anywhere either, and the amtgard chatter-and-song faded to a very fuzzy and inconsequential background noise, and it became a *moment*. Like there was only Jon and I in the whole world. I know it's really corny, but it's what I felt, and still feel, happened.

The convo took a *decidedly* flirtacious tone, and, while I was chiding myself because he was taken, I wasn't previously innocent of boyfriend-stealing, and wasn't about to let morality trip me up now. I remember at one point he playfully tugged both ends of my scarf and brought me close to him, and it took every ounce of restraint not to kiss him right then.

Then Strater was playing music videos on his laptop and called us over, so we went over behind the registration desk, where he was on a couch. I sat on the floor with my back against the bottom of an armchair (I'm always more comfy that way) and Jon sat next to Strater. We watched Marilyn Manson's redo of "tainted love" and an anime vid, and then Jon had to go do something. He came back a few minutes later, and, rather than sit next to Strater, he climbed over the side of the armchair to sit behind me! Strater gave him an odd look, but didn't say anything. We were watching another video on the laptop when I felt Jon start to play with my hair, and I'll tell you..I damn near melted. I love it when my hair gets played with! Then he massaged my shoulders a little, and wrapped his arms around my collarbone gently, hugging me. He pressed the softest kiss I've ever had to the back of my hair...I barely even felt it, but to this day, I think it's the most tender thing I've ever had given to me. I tilted my head a little and kissed his hands with a smile. By now, Strater had clearly suspected something was going on, but, good friend that he is, just smiled and didn't say a word. He quietly left us to go do some work, and Jon slid away from me, saying he had to do some security rounds over in the Gilman building. In my head, I silently pleaded for him to ask me to go with, and, in the first in a chain of same-wavelength phenomena that continues strong today, Jon extended a hand and asked me to accompany him.

Well, we held hands the short walk to Gilman, and made the rounds, where we ran into Mark again, and, in front of several other card players and Jon, he made massaging motions and clasped his hands together from across the room, asking me for a massage. I declined firmly, and Jon and I made a hasty exit before he resumed. Jon started going upstairs, and I quietly wondered what games were going on up there, as I was told JohnCon was only in the basement. Jon proceeded to put the moves on me.

"See, the funny thing about Gilman is, there's no one on the upper floors this time of night."

And, that much was very true. Everything was locked up and dark, and the only light came from the stairwells before. We sat down on a flight of steps and just held one another for a few long moments. He sat back, looked and me, and sighed.

"I shouldn't be doing this. I have a girlfriend."

I just smiled and told him I knew, which he seemed fairly surprised about, and that, if he wanted to continue, I wouldn't let it go too far. I respected his limits, whatever he would tell me they were. He seemed greatly relieved, and I hugged him again, and explained that we were kindred spirits, both in need of a little comfort. I had really felt a deep kinship with him, and if he wanted to sit there and hug, I was more than okay with that. I felt like a different person just for meeting him.

But then he kissed me.

In the midst of my babble, which had begun to speed up because I was suddenly quite nervous, he kissed me. And by god, it was worth all the chasing I had done after him. Time stopped yet again, and the dark stairwell swirled unnoticed around me. We kissed a lot, too. It would only be kissing, I didn't intend for it to go farther, but I could kiss this man forever.

Then, of course, his phone rang.

And guess who it was.

I heard him talking to her, and the complete suavity in his voice, the unchanged tone, the "I love you" at the end of the conversation..I remember very vividly telling myself I would never date this man in a million years, even if he broke up with his girlfriend and begged for my hand. Ironic, it seems, now.

We made our way from Gilman, and back to the registration hall, where we sat and talked for a little bit, then went over to the movie theatre with the intention of making out some more. Sounds so immature, doesn't it? :) well, we got there, and star wars was playing, but one of Jon's friends was sitting two rows up, and was the only other guy in the theatre. He kept turning around to tell us one thing or another about this scene or that one, and Jon and I had to keep separating hastily to avoid being caught. Finally, we had enough of it and just left.

From there, Jon gave a wink and pulled me into the board room, which had locking doors. We were just fine for awhile until I heard a key in the door. Jon assured me it was okay. Then his look changed and he pondered, very unworried...that hey, maybe they had a skeleton key, though. My eyes got wide and I very hastily rearranged my appearance until it seemed proper, and Jon and I sat and had a vapid discussion while they emptied the trash barrels around us. Two twenty-somethings, flushed, sitting in a locked room having a conversation. Right.

We proceeded back to Registration, holding hands and sneaking kisses behind a pillar out front for quite awhile...and then we finally went inside and sat on a couch. I held him and we cuddled a little while he was getting sleepy...I gave him my cloak as a blanket and lap as a pillow. I put his glasses aside and stroked his hair until he fell asleep. He snored and I thought it was adorable. I slipped away for awhile to help clean up the front hall with some others, but I came right back to him and pet his hair some more. Rami came to collect me and bring me back to the hotel, and it was with a very sad heart I gently woke Jon and whispered I had to go. He grumbled and absently waved a dismissing hand at me. I was crushed (I later learned he was still mostly asleep and remembered none of that...he's just grumpy tired) but I scribbled a goodbye note on the back of a Johncon badge along with my email and phone.

I spent the next day with my father, and was glad to see him, but my angel haunted my mind, and I silently prayed I'd see him again.

I got home that night to find an email from Jon, one that I still keep, telling me thanks for a wonderful time, and that he hoped to see me again. I took this to mean "Thanks for the memories" and went up in my room and sniffled for a considerable amount of time.

Then he IMd me, and, after long conversations, determined that that wasn't what he meant at all...he was actually breaking up with his girlfriend and coming to visit me, if that was okay. I was *overjoyed*! It did happen that he spent all but two days of Spring Break with me, and, on the third day, he took my in his arms, and told me he had something to ask me. I smiled, figuring he was being the gentleman, and making this legit...that I was going to be asked to be his girlfriend now. He didn't, at least not exactly that way. He took my hand, looked in my eyes, and told me he wanted me to move to Maryland.

I was caught between shock and joy. I didn't really know what to say, and I told him that. I eventually managed to push out a "yes", thankfully. We spent the rest of our time together in bliss, seeing very little of the light of day and completely missing Les Mis, which I had gotten tickets for. He had to leave when his break was over, and, after a very tearful goodbye...several, in fact...he left. I cried a lot.

There was a huge period of confusion for me after that. I came to realize that "moving to maryland" was not necessarily "moving in with him". I knew that the latter made more sense given the setting in which I was asked, but I began to doubt heavily, and talked it over with one of his female friends I had come to befriend. Eventually I got the guts to ask him myself and he said yes, living together made the most sense.

Then I went to go see him on the 11th of April, because his birthday was on the 14th. I came down for two weeks and ended up not venturing home until after he had graduated, on the 30th of April. Even then, we only spent four days there so I could finish my driving lessons. We had to go back up again on the 10th so I could take my test (which I passed!). And then he and I came back home, where he packed for his alaskan trip, which he's on now.

Quite a torrid and sudden thing it's been, he and I. But we get along ridiculously well. Jon can all but read my mind and he treats me like an absolute queen. Not a day goes by I don't thank my dieties for having the chance to actually meet my soulmate. ::smiles:: Sorry for all the random romanticism, but I'm in that kind of mood. I still miss Jonny and it'll be a week before he's home. Le sigh. Ah well.

Peace 'n love to all.

~Fox "It's still too hot out" Mackenzie


:: Fox 6/19/2002 11:37:00 AM [Say what?] ::
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