:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Sunday, January 20, 2002 ::

Wow, did it ever snow.

I haven't seen this much since last year. It's kinda cool. Cold, actually.

I did a *lot* of laundry yesterday....finally mustered up the courage to go through the things that have been packed up since I left my ex's house. Found that a *lot* of the things I had brought with me were clothes. Everything else was pretty much just my computer desk, my altar, and a few various decorating items. It felt good to be taking everything out of the boxes. I enchanted the washwater to get all traces of him out of my clothes...even though his grandmother washed everything before it was sent back to me, it still was saturated with secondhand smoke. Blegh. So now I have a more-or-less empty box and a closet stuffed to the gills with clothes.

I only had one relapse, and that's when I found a "romance diary" I had kept while I was with him. Stupid me, I decided to crack it open and read a bit. Of course, I broke down into tears before I finished the first page. Idiotic of me to go dredging up those memories. I don't have the heart to chuck it..I might send it to him along with the floppies I made of all the stuff he kept on the computer. Time has eased the bitterness a little, and I realize that, even thought it didn't feel that way at the time, our entire relationship had been dysfunctional and wrong. We just weren't compatible as an LTR. If he wants drugs, he can have them. If he wants her, he can have her. I was trying to make him something he couldn't be....faithful and honest at 18. Gonna ship him his stuff and forget everything, and try to get on with this life of mine. It's about time I did.

Odd dreams last night. Good ones, but odd. I was in a mall-like setting, in a big toy store...but one of the displays had, like, a doghouse..and when you crawled through it, it was another big room with another display of a big doll in a square glass pillar. And then when you crawled through a part of *that* display, you were in a big room with three computers, and two guys who were apparently friends of mine. One of the comps was on aol.

So I stuck my head out of the doghouse and there was like, a whole bunch of trekkies coming towards me, geeks with an intention of dating. So I mouthed "help me" to the two counter guys, both who were dressed up as toy soldiers, and one of whom was really cute with curly brown hair..and they dispersed the geeks.

I guess this place was a class trip mecca or something, because there seemed to be a lot of classes there. I met a lanky guy who was kinda cute and spoke french and had a lot of my same interests, and we swapped numbers...and then I met this girl, and we started cuddling and holding hands within moments of meeting one another. She and I traded numbers too. But strangely, I didn't get either of their numbers. Then the dream ended.

Oddity, isn't it? Maybe it's last-minute jitters about the concept of monogamy. Who the hell knows. All I know is that I gotta stop eating my mashed-potato-and-tortilla-chip concoctions right before bed.

Oh, and Aden called me yesterday. That might have something to do with it?

~Fox "lucid dreaming" Mackenzie

:: Fox 1/20/2002 10:07:00 AM [Say what?] ::
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