:: Searching for Puck... ::

:: Sunday, January 13, 2002 ::

::sighs:: I just finished writing this damn column, and a friggin telemarketer called and it all got lost. I hate telemarketers. Even if you do get "taken off the list", they still call.

Anyway, I was ranting about my horrid romantical life as of late. Last night, someone who liked me..and I didn't know they liked me that much..got upset because I mentioned that I had been over Jow's..and that he and I have a solid friendship and occasional on-again-off-again physical thing going on. Well, long story short, I got reamed out for it, and I went to bed crying until my eyes ached, and nausea lodged itself firmly in my stomach.

I try and meet people in some twisted and frantic effort to fill the gaping hole the loss of Marco, and earlier, rog (not brit rog..my rog, in boston. The guy I was handfasted to) had made in my life. Once I meet people, I can never manage to keep them as friends. Take Hayden. Hayden is the best male friend a girl could ask for. But when we went to see Ocean's 11 about two months ago, he put his arm around me. And I mean put. Not lecherous, but an obviously non-platonic gesture. It was flattering, but it unsettled me because it came out of left field. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there. He smiled at me, and I don't think I hurt anyone's feelings, but I'm also not sure if he realized that I felt kind of awkward about it. We haven't hung out since then, and it's not for lack of trying on my part. I'm unsure if he really is just too busy or is avoiding me because I hurt his feelings.


Even my actual beaus don't work out. My latest was Dave-from-Bloomfield. Jess, one of my friends, hooked us up the night after Thanksgiving..I had had a little to drink on an empty stomach, and the wound that Dave-from-Staten-Island's breakup had left was still fresh. Dave-from-Bloomfield and I hung out for the night, and ended up sleeping in the same room. Stuff happened. I wasn't expectionally attracted to him, but he was someone, and he liked me. And, at the time, no one else seemed to. So we went out. It was allright for the first few days..and we had agreed that we'd make the hour trip to see each other, alternating..since he drove and I could take public transportation. After 3 after-midnight arrivals (I didn't get out of work until 10, which meant catching a late train into Newark and waiting in the station at all hours) I mentioned this to him, and he completely denied ever agreeing to come see me. His exact refusal was "I'm not going to put miles on my car for you". This was after we had fooled around together. It *stung*. We drifted apart rapidly, and I mentioned his harsh words to would-be-cupid Jess, and she went and told him everything, when I expressly asked her not to. So, long story short, huge breakup-fight with Dave after a very long day at work, and I found myself single for the holidays. Although he wasn't exactly a great loss, in any sense of the word, I could have done without the drama and inconvenience.

Just before him, on thanksgiving night, there was Jess' roommate Matt..we both were really blitzed. We didn't sleep together, but stuff happened. I should say for him, stuff happened. He passed out before reciprocation could ensue. In the morning, I was nice and brought him breakfast (old habit?)..and he seemed confused. I later found out from Jess that he didn't remember me being in his bed, nor of us doing anything. Figures. It was, however, the first one who forgot me.

From mid-september to the night before Thanksgiving..I dated Dave-from-Staten-Island..who was a beautiful guy, to make no mistake about it. He was adorable and I cared a lot about him, but he always seemed very standoffish. He was also *exceedingly* against me meeting his family or acknowledging that I existed to them. That always bothered me, but I let it slide. figuring time would fix things. He was my date for mom's wedding to my Stepfather Joe in October..he was an absolute godsend for the reception..wonderfully helpful, and no one asked him to..he just rolled up his sleeves and proved to be the hero of the hour. We were intimately involved after about a month..and I thought things were great. He came and saw me on Friday nights, and slept over until saturday. He broke up with me the night before thanksgiving and I was devestated. I cried pitifully...it was like deja vu after what Marco had done..and he held me for a little while..but then he left, and I never saw him again or talked to him again. I won't say it didn't affect me, and deeply. But, for those of you that can do math, you can see I moved on rather quickly. If I run fast enough, pain doesn't have a chance to catch up.

:: Fox 1/13/2002 01:45:00 PM [Say what?] ::
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